Scared of the dark

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Scared of the dark

She won’t believe me
He is worth more to her then what I have to endure
Only my little brother knows
He is two grades younger then I
Him in fourth me in sixth
So many years I have let this go on
Yet I just told him
Every night is the same thing again and again
My very own step-father tool my most valuable
Of purities
Momma doesn’t know and I can’t tell her
He made me swear on Mr. Teddy not to utter a single word
At the dinner table he sits across from me
Not even looking my direction
Only as he kisses mommy on the forehead before she leaves to work
At breakfast too
After school he tells me he is proud that I made it through one more day
I don’t know if he means
One more day of keeping the secret or
One more day of false smiles and unwanted goodbyes
I can’t sleep at night anymore and I can’t concentrate in class
I’m too tired and all I think about is what is going to happen that night
My grades have fallen and my teachers don’t know what to do with me anymore
I used to be the smartest girl in my grade
The night I finally told my little brother I couldn’t stop crying
He told me he didn’t think it was right and that I should tell mommy
I was to scared
I told him that she wouldn’t believe me
But he wouldn’t take no
When mom got home from work that night my little brother told
I wanted to deny it but I didn’t I just cried
And I was right
She didn’t believe me
I knew she wouldn’t
She loves him more then daddy and they never fight
When daddy found out he took me and my brother out of the house
Him and mommy got in a big fight
I’m not allowed to go and visit her anymore
Honestly I don’t think she wants to see me anyway
Her and my step-dad are still together
I wish they weren’t
I miss mommy
I just want everything to be right
B ut now all the kids at school know and they tease me a lot
Daddy says he’ll get me transferred as soon as he can
He always knows how to do the right thing
I love my daddy very much and my little brother
He saved me from him and
He saved Mr. Teddy too.
It’s not the same anymore
The way it used to be
I used to be able to walk into school everyday and pretend like nothing was wrong
I used to be able to talk to my friends about girl stuff and clothes
Now I can’t even break a tiny smile
Not in the slightest
All the teachers know to
Daddy had to say something so HE could never pick me up
Or try to take me
All the teachers look at me with sympathetic faces and a lot of them give me hugs
My friends tall me he is a perverted jerk
And that I should be happy daddy saved me
But the truth is I still love my step-dad
No matter what
That may be wrong
But he was my first “love”